I have a pretty awesome husband, I have to brag for a minute.
If you’ve been around this blog a while, you know I have felt the call to write out my adoption story. Honestly, I had planned to have it completely done by this point…its been 10 years since I saw that positive pregnancy test that escalated me down this path. I’m kinda disappointed that I haven’t made more of an effort to get things going, but life happened and with each child the Lord gives us the less time I have to write in this blog, let alone an entire book! I have to trust that it hasn’t been God’s time yet. But, I feel like we are getting closer to that time and that is where my sweet husband comes in. He’s pushing me towards this dream of mine, this calling.
Starting with a closet.
Yes, a closet. He took my hand one day, lead me up stairs and opened our hall closet door. “What do you see?” He asked me. “Um…a bunch of junk and boxes of Christmas decorations. Stuff that needs to go to Good Will…?” It was stressing to look at the mess, full of should-dos and wishing I had the time and energy to organize the chaos. The closet is an odd one; it is a walk-in, but you have to enter and immediately turn to the right, making it very long and narrow. Fine for storing things, but hard to get to what you need. Then he said, “You’re right. But, what I see is a window and a vent, which makes this the perfect place to make this into your writing nook. This is what I’d like to do for your birthday and Christmas this year. You design it however you want.”
A few months later after we cleared out junk, a dusty purple paint was on the walls and a new beautiful dimming light fixture installed (no seating or shelves up yet!), he tricked me into going to Best Buy and telling me to pick out any laptop I wanted for my writing. We still are in the process of getting the room finished (hopefully soon and then I can share pictures), but just having the laptop has pushed me to do more book writing, as well as researching and pondering. Since its been exactly 10 years since I found out I was pregnant with her, I’m feeling reminiscent anyway so why not write about it? My, the years have flown by.
I know a large part of me delaying writing, besides the excuse of being busy, is fear. Fear that my writing isn’t good enough (my grammar and spelling stink, ironically for this English major). Fear that I won’t get published. Fear of the comments I will get about my choices (haters love to hate, and I can’t please everyone!). Fear of exposing details in all our lives, even if we have fake names. Fear of the awkwardness of trying to write dialog for anyone other than myself in my book. Fear, fear, fear. The Enemy certainly has known what lies to feed me to squash God’s work, it’s paralyzed me. Until now. I’m done believing those lies.
I came across this beautiful verse among my Facebook feed a few weeks ago and it resonated deeply:
Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!
I’m claiming it. I’m making artwork of this and posting it all over my purple walls. I know this is God’s calling and promise for me. I’m going to chose to believe that! Since seeing this verse, He has reassured me over and over in various avenues that He’s got this. All He is asking me to do now is write, and let Him take care of the hard stuff like publishing. He is preparing hearts for our story, He’s working out the details to pave the way. Most of all, I want Him to shine through my writing and our story, so I know He is right there with me as I write helping to get His message across. There is so much freedom and peace in that! I’m finding that there is much joy found in battling lies with truth.
So, that’s where I have been…putting my writing energy elsewhere or busy taking care of the family God has blessed me with in the last 10 years. Or sewing. I’m really loving sewing right now. Or dealing with Kidney stone pain, but that’s a story for another day.
Thank you Mark for all that you do for me (for us!).
Thanks for believing in me and letting God use you.