A few days ago I had the privilege of eating a yummy cheesecake smothered in raspberry sauce (I have a horrible sweet tooth, y’all. It makes eating healthy kinda tricky). But the treat wasn’t the sweets, it was the company and conversation across the table with a fellow like-minded crunchy Jesus loving momma.
Somehow we got on the subject of finding out we were pregnant and the excitement we felt despite the challenges we knew we would face (both of our first pregnancies were out of wedlock). I remember at some point early in my pregnancy with Savannah (I like to think it was the first thing she said?) my Mom said, “Well, you were just meant to be a Mom, Leah.” Ya know, since I had just placed Anna 2 years before and I was still only but 18 when two lines appeared again signaling Savannah’s coming. And it is true, I have felt this calling to be a mother deep inside of me since I was a child. I longed for brothers and sisters so I could help take care of them, I learned about nursing babies by watching my Stepmom nourish her babies. I learned how to change diapers and feed them with tiny spoons. I learned how comfort them and walk around the house singing softly so my parents could have a break. I have always wanted to be a mom, the calling to nurture has always been deeply rooted. It makes sense that that could be hard to contain, because I just wanted to skip ahead in life and be a mom.
It occurred to me…
In the last 10 years of the many 2 lines I have seen on my pregnancy tests, despite the obstacles I knew were there and the “not good timing” they may of had…I felt joy regardless. Babies are a gift from God. And God always, always worked the details that followed those 2 lines. Sometimes I had to cling on until the last minute to know His plan. Sometimes I had to sacrifice my own plans. Sometimes things didn’t turned out as I thought they would, but many times it was even better! He has created a beautiful story and has taught me so much with each baby He has blessed me with. There is so much joy to be found in knowing a new life is forming in your womb.
Talking about this with my friend got me reminiscing on all those moments of joy that followed those lines…and why is it so hard to have that feeling every day as a mom? It got me thinking, what if we remembered those moments more often? The one where we were excited learn of a new little bean chosen to grow inside of you? The one where we dreamed of what it would be like to hold that child in your arms finally? The one where we imagined them in a meaningful outfit hanging in the closet? The one where we pictured laughter echoing through the halls instead of silence.
All those idyllic motherhood pictures that danced through our head as we prepared for motherhood…
What if we remembered the joy we felt, instead of the chore it can feel now?
It is no secret I struggle with this. I struggle with finding joy in the mundane tasks of laundry, dirty diapers, and wiping snotty noses. So, I tried this thought out this past few days and found it helped! It focused my heart on the gift that these children are and to not take it for granted. It helped me to remember that I chose this life, this is my calling, and it is what I wanted! Amongst the busyness of life or tantrums on aisle 5, those truths can easily be forgotten, but the good news is that it can just as easily be remembered.
The same is true within our marriages. Sometimes it helps to pause and remember why we married the person we did 🙂