Reflections on 2012

We are 4 days into the new year and as usual I’ve been doing some thinking about the past year and what I hope for this year.  And no, there isn’t any baby news yet. I’m due within the next week and she’s happily still baking in there!  I’m okay with that, I have a lot of peace about God’s timing and the wait right now. But, we are all super excited for when it is time!

2012 definitely was better than 2011 (after a hard adjustment to being a mom of 2, postpartum depression, I had emotional healing I needed to do, etc.). Last New Years I claimed 2012 as my year of healing and I  believe it was just that. While, of course, I have so much more to do (and really, will that work ever be done until I’m fully restored in Heaven?) there was so much done. Peace was made, forgiveness given, awareness made in other areas so its easier to identify why I/we are feeling a certain way and what we can do about it. I feel good about the progress made, thanks to my relationship with God and several counselors that He lead us to to walk us through different areas that needed growth. I feel like I have been able to move forward in many ways as I had hoped.  In 2013 I hope to get back on that track (counseling has not worked out schedule wise in months with babysitter plans, Satan sure likes to attack that area!) to continue growth and moving on. I want to truly see myself as God sees me and strengthen our marriage even more! His grace is so hard to grasp sometimes, I want to allow myself to feel it more and keep taking steps out of my prison cell He released me from years ago.

With the growth made this past year, especially as a couple, I have faith that this transition into a mom of 3 coming very soon won’t be so rough on my emotions and my marriage.  2013 will be a good one, I can feel it and claiming it!  I look forward to many firsts again with the birth of Ashlyn. Our first homebirth and experiencing the joy of being a mom of a baby again, including all the firsts that come with it. Speaking of joy, that’s what I want to add this year…more joy.  Being a mom and wife is wonderful and how I want to spend my life, but it also can be so draining and monotonous. And, well, its just hard.  Savannah is almost 6 years old and full of drama, Jaxson is officially in the “terrible 2” tantrum phase…and I’m about to have a newborn that most likely will keep me up most of the night (and I do not do well with little sleep!). I know I will need God’s strength and JOY to get through my days.  It’s a perspective change I want, to find joy in my kids and the every day things. The laundry that piles up, the dishes that never end, the toys that get scattered every where for the 10th time today…I want to be joyful and grateful that we have those things. Grateful that I am able to have these kids and a husband who make messes for me (us) to clean yet again, not everyone has been so blessed and God has made that so apparent these past months with many babies around me that have been taken to Heaven too soon.

While I know that life can’t always be filled with good days and joyful children and parents, I pray we have those days much more often. Or, at least remember to look for joy even on the hard days when its easier to wallow in a pitty party with the angry hippos.

So, happy 2013 everyone! I pray you have peace and excitement as we start another year.

 


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