I love these days when you feel absolutely on top of the world. Everything just seems to be going right, and my heart is so full of joy and thanfulness. We have so much to be thankful for, God has blessed us and taken care of us, just as He’s always promised he would. I love these days when the clouds have lifted and you can see the handprints of God and how He’s been working in your life, given you things you didn’t expect it, and walked with you when you didn’t realize it.
Savannah has finally, finally learned how to sleep through the night. As I was hoping, when the chicken pox started getting better, so did the sleep. She now sleeps an average of 7 hours a night, eats around 4:30am and sleeps another 3 hours. This makes life so much more enjoyable! I feel like I’m a better mom and wife because of this simple success. This was the hugest struggle in my life the past 5 months (and more, if count not sleeping during pregnancy), so this is a mighty weight lifted off my shoulders. I was miserable, and it led to me getting angry, snippy, and frustrated easily. I feel so much better and my heart cannot praise God enough for allowing rest to finally come to our family!
As long as I can remember, I have always heard that finances are the number 1 argument in a marriage. Mark and I agree. With us being married so young, still in college, and a baby to take care of, money certainly gets tight. Thankfully, we’ve had amazing family support. Without them, I don’t know how we would be able to make it! I will truly always be thankful for the support our family has given us, we are so lucky to have them.
However, that doesn’t mean Mark and I are fully taken care of–and we don’t have to worry about money. Quite the opposite. Mix that responsibility of working to pay bills and to save for our future with the responsibility of parenting…and things get sticky. Our latest rough patch revolved around deciding whether we can work or not during the school year. We both will be taking classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so obviously, there is time for us to work. I was even offered a permanent job where I am working now as a temporary receptionist. But, my heart so wanted to be at home with Savannah on my days off from school, she needs me at home with her. And Mark was concerned about losing time to concentrate on school (last year previous his employer worked him to death during the week/weekends). The only thing he wanted to do for work was continuing his accounting internship during the school year, but that wasn’t an option. But what did God do? He opened that door that appeared to be closed. He’s provided Mark an opporunity to continue the job he is doing now, one not only that pays well, but is flexible so he won’t be gone the whole week, he’ll still have time to study, be with his family, and no working weekends! It will be enough for us to get through the school year with me being able to stay at home with our daughter. God is so good, He amazes me with how He works things out, just in the right moment.
I’ve also been struggling with letting go of my past. Mark and I met at Appalachian State our freshman year, and we loved it up there in the mountains. But when I became pregnant, it wasn’t an option for us to go back. We had to deal with our conseqences, and we still are. My heart stings when I think about all the good times we had at ASU and that we couldn’t go back to the friends we know and the snow we love. It’s gotten better as the year has passed, but now it’s resurfacing as I’ve enrolled into a new college.
Last week as I was driving to school orienation, it was a cloudy, foggy, blah type morning. I was singing to my favorite song on Jeremy Camp’s new CD, one about letting your old life crumble and fade and heading into a new life with Christ. And what pops out? The sun. Just one spot. It was one of those holes in the clouds that pours out sun beams, and it’s just beautiful. I felt my heart tug, I felt God’s presence as if saying, “It’s okay, Leah! I’m hear with you, this is where you are supposed to be and things are going to be ok.” During orientation I still felt myself missing ASU, I know I will always miss it, but it turned out to be a really good day that answered so many prayers.
I could make a huge list of how I’ve seen God working in our lives lately, and how thankful I am. It’s days like these that reminds me just why we need to always trust in the Lord, in the good times and bad. This is an area I personally struggle in, it’s hard for me to keep having faith in Christ when things don’t look good and all I keep asking is, “Why, Lord, why?” That’s not what faith is about though, is it? Faith is about believing, no matter what. That’s hard to really sink in, and even harder to live, I know.