Not What Expected

I never, ever thought a post like this would come from me. A young girl who has had two healthy pregnancies, two healthy girls. Let me explain:

My midwife ordered an ultrasound for today to check my dates since I have irregular cycles now (sorry Dad, too much information, I’m sure!).  According to my last cycle I should be well into 8 weeks, but I thought I would be around 7 weeks.  Well, we go to the appointment and the ultrasound technician is quiet until I ask a question.  And she said, “I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure, but there are two yolk sacs.” However, there was only one baby we could see. It appears the other baby already has passed away and the sac is shrinking, which happens a lot in many women.  And I’m ok with that because seriously? Us having twins?  We would go insane. And my body who can barely fit one baby, holding two?  Ouch.

But, what is concerning to me and the doctor there is that the baby is only measuring at 6 weeks (which I suppose is plausible) and the heart rate is very, very low at 67 bpm.  Now, let me put this in perspective. A baby’s heart starts beating around 5 or 6 weeks and it quickly goes to being in  100’s, this baby should be all the way in the 130’s or 140’s or even higher.  Not good. So, unless something miraculous happens by my next appointment and God decides this baby has a purpose on earth, it really appears that I’ll have two babies in heaven.

This is all a shock to us of course. We weren’t expecting twins and we weren’t expecting our baby to not to be healthy. I mean, how can it be? But I have faith in God and that things do happen for a reason.  I like the way Mark put it, he said that we’ll have two babies who don’t have to suffer through this fallen world and they can go straight to heaven. And I responded with, “But I never got to know them…” and he said, “But we’ll have eternity with them and get to know them.”  My husband sure is a good man with a way to ease my heart.

I’m ok, really. I have peace as I rest in God’s will and warm presence. I trust that He knows what is best for these babies and for our family. I trust that we’ll expand our family again someday when the timing is right.

Until we know more, if you are the praying type, prays would be lovely. Grief has already set in as I (we) prepare for the worst soon.


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