This motherhood thing is hard. I often wonder why something so wonderful, that is a gift and a blessing, also has to be so incredibly challenging and constantly changing. Just when you figure out the solution to something, a new phase begins! A new problem, a new age to learn. I’m a Downtown Abbey fan, and just watched an episode where the Grandmother said, “Life is about solving problems, one after another after another after another.” How discouraging that can be at times, to think we constantly will be solving problems until we die. Some days I’ve had enough. Some days I get discouraged that I am not enough. Some days my children aren’t listening, some days (or nights) my baby won’t sleep, some days I lose sight of the words and dreams on my heart. Some days it looks like the enemy is winning.
In church this past Sunday we looked at a snippet of the prophet Elijah’s life shown in the book of 1 Kings. I feel like I’m stealing my pastor’s message, but it spoke to me too much not to share and hope it encourages someone else too. The verses we looked at showed Elijah on a mountain top, figuratively and literally, confident in God as the one true God and making a bold example to prove it. Then, just a few verses later he is in the dessert running for his life, scared. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” (1 Kings 19: 4) I looked at this verse and instantly felt a connection to Elijah. Here is a guy who gets me. Here is a guy praying to God a prayer I have prayed when life got overwhelming. Admittedly, I was in a postpartum depression and suffering from anxiety (and lack of sleep!) when this prayer was a common occurrence. It scared me to think this, honestly. But it is comforting looking back knowing that God heard Elijah thousands of years ago and God heard me last summer.
Do you know what God did when Elijah prayed? He sent an angel (verses 5 and 6) to touch him. He comforted him, feed him, and loved him. That is what God still does for us! Though maybe it isn’t an angel offering bread and water, but the warm hug of your 3 year old after his tantrum is over. It’s when your 7 year old gives a heartfelt apology for her attitude (I must be doing something right? Right?!). Maybe it’s the touch of a stranger paying you a compliment about how well behaved and beautiful your kids are. Maybe it’s your husbands embrace at the end of the day, when you sigh in relief in the silence and are grateful you made it to bedtime. It is the unexpected check in the mail with the exact amount you needed. It is these small gestures that God is in; using others to comfort, love, and feed your soul.
Have you had enough? Some days do you feel so weary that you wish you wake up with the problems gone and Heaven’s brilliant light around instead? I do, some days. Thankfully they are days that are getting further between as I continue this journey to joy God has been taking me on. It’s okay to be honest with Him! Know that many people have prayed the same prayer, simply wishing for things to be easier. And He hears you! Look for those touches of comfort.
Today, I’ve had enough yet again. But this time, I’ve had enough of the enemy robbing my joy. Rather, me allowing him to. I will chose to see the truth that God is with me when I’m on the mountain tops and in the lonely dessert, and that in itself is a reason for joy! Praise God that He loves us regardless of our place, whether we are singing his praises or whining about our problems.