Adoption Memories: A Baby Changes Everything

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Photo Credit: Cyberlin via Facebook Commons

Last week I was driving home from dropping my 3 year old off at preschool, when Faith Hill’s “A Baby Changes Everything” came on my Christmas radio station.  The lyrics, though meant to be about Mary, sent my thoughts back to 10 (TEN!) years ago when I was pregnant at Christmas time with Anna.

Teenage girl, much too young
Unprepared for what’s to come
A baby changes everything

Not a ring
On her hand
All her dreams and all her plans
A baby changes everything

I was in the third month of my pregnancy, moving into the fourth. My then-perfectly smooth youthful belly just starting to poke out with her growth, but was easily hidden (which I did often) in sweatshirts and sweaters.  I was a teenager. I had no ring on my finger, except for my high school pink stoned ring with images of ballet dancers and 2005 printed on the side. It meant nothing, no promises for the future. It wasn’t even my school anymore. At Christmas time was my shift from my Mom’s house to my Dad’s house, leaving behind so much, but I was glad to move on to a more positive place. A place with no memories stalking me at every turn, no more houses to pass by of people who used to care.

And she cries, oh she cries

She has to leave, go far away
Heaven knows she can’t stay
A baby changes everything

And oh, how I cried! I cried when I looked in the mirror out of shame, how could I of let this happen?  I cried for leaving my Mom, but knowing it was for the best for us to have a healthy relationship again.  I cried for the future I didn’t know how would turn out. I cried for my baby, wanting and loving her desperately but not sure how to be everything she needed (although, I didn’t know she was a she at this time). I cried for hurting my family with my choices. I cried for the relationship being over that I thought would make everything okay again. I cried for me.

My whole life is turned around
I was lost but now I’m found
A baby changes everything

And then…a beautiful thing happened.  God brought my out of my pit, throwing me down a ladder to climb one step at a time.  The climb started around this Christmas time, me clinging to the golden cross that hung around my neck, but clinging to my own strength and desires more so. But, come spring I would be at the top of my pit with a new view of His plan and embraced by His love and grace.   Praise God for how He redeems, that He has made me a new person. Praise God that as He was forming a new person in my womb, He was forming a new person in my own soul.

The way this song envisions what Mary went through makes me feel kindred to her in a new way. Though our situations were very different, much was the same. Unplanned pregnancy. Young. Unwed. There was hurt and tears. There was leaning on God, trusting in God’s plan. But, our babies were made for a grander purpose and to fulfill God’s plan.  Anna wasn’t my own plan, nor was Jesus Mary’s, but they were God’s unique plan to make change. A change for the better. Every baby has a purpose for God’s grand plan, no matter how or when they come along.

Yes, a baby changes everything. Whether you were Mary, a pregnant teenager like I was, or a happily married first time mom, a baby changes your life in so many ways.  It can be, oh, so hard at times but what a beautiful thing it is as well. I pray you are reminded of those blessings in your life, especially the gift of Jesus, during this Christmas season. Praise God for the baby that brought changes in Mary’s life that lead to the world knowing His goodness!

 


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1 Comment

  1. Coley says: Reply

    Just beautiful, Leah!

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